Friday, September 18, 2020

Ten Fuel Commandments

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine

🚨 It's the Ten Fuel Commandments ðŸš¨

🚨 It's the Ten Fuel Commandments ðŸš¨


Your gels taste like salted butthole
I have the honor to be
Your obedient servant,
R. Runs

Number one

The challenge, to run while you're eating

If you got this down already

Then no need for further reading

Number two

If you don't, grab a snack, call it "real food"

Post on Instagram nonstop

About how it makes you feel good

Number three

Have a second food ready in place

Tailwind, gels, or soda

In case you think you might puke out your face

This is commonplace, 'specially for new recruits

Most nausea subsides, and no one boots


"Hot wings were a bad idea"
"Shh, I know, I know"

Number four

If you don't know what to eat, that's okay

Pack a variety, train for half a day

You nibble this and that, you eat to your ability

You make a mental note how it affects your agility

Five

Fuel before the sun is in the sky

Find a place to poop before you toe the line

Number six

Leave a drop bag with your next of kin

Tell 'em where your runnin'

Pray that Hardrock some day lets you in


And when I meet Dale Garland
I'mma compel him to include more new runners in the lottery
Work!


Seven

Race briefing, force a grin

Ready for the moment of adrenaline when you finally face your opponent

Number eight

Your last chance to get your head on straight

Talk to your crew, see if they can talk some sense to you

"Hey crew member"

"Yo Ry Runs, son"

"Can we agree that ultras are dumb and not always fun?"

"Done"

"But it's either face my demons or run"

"All damn day? We both know that's absurd, son"

"Hang on, how many men cope in ways that are even more financially ruinous?"

"Okay, so we're doin' this"

Number nine

Shoot for your stretch goal, aim no higher

Summon all the barf bags you require

Then count

One two three four

Five six seven eight nine

We'll need

Ten pacers

Fuck it



You say this race is draining and you can't go on
You'll be the one complaining when it is gone